Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
