I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
