Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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