I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
