Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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