no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Send help, water and tortillas.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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