Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
