She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Randomize
