i would punch a child for taco bell
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Randomize
