dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
