I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
