K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
