Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
