I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
