Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
