3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
