just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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