my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
