i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
farters have to be the big spoon...
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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