I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I'm sobbing to NWA
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Randomize
