i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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