When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
