apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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