I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
