Fine. I'll sleep in my office
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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