and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
