i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
His nipple licking is glorious
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