I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
