Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
