I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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