That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
