Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
