apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Randomize
