??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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