I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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