I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
he puts the penis in happiness.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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