i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
