Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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