is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
