She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Someone stole a lamp last night.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
