I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
