Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
