Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
