so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
