It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
jump out the window naked night went bad
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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