I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
