i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
