This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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