wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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