I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
