u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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