After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
