I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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