wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
